Merry Hexmas: The Christmas Tree Forest
A Blogwagon Submission
Perfectly conical evergreen trees of varying sizes, spaced evenly apart, not in rows but in stellar dendritic patterns, dot the hills. Snow covers the ground everywhere except for neat circles under each tree, where a blanket of fallen pine needles lies instead.
Many of the trees are filled with toys and presents, but can only be found by those who intend to gift them to someone else. Selfish and greedy people cannot see the presents, and worse, are often rewarded with tricks or punishments for trying.
A few log cabins are interspersed throughout the forest. Some are occupied, and some are empty but inviting, the hearth already lit.
People You Might Find In The Christmas Tree Forest
The Millers, relocated to a cabin while they decide what to do next. They are not fully in agreement but have mostly come to believe that the only solution to the demons is to burn the windmill and build a new one in its place; let it “rise from the ashes”.
Heat Miser Minions and Snow Miser Servants, either plotting against one another or actively scuffling.
Yule Barbarians, living in temporary seasonal camps, riding jingle horse steeds, and engaging in feats of strength to celebrate the solstice.
Living Snow Sculptures, bags packed, vacation gear on, looking to get away from it all.
The McCallisters, mother and son, separated but trying to find each other. All while fending off:
Miserable Thieves, being tricked and punished by the forest.
Picnic Grove
“One was quite full of square paper boxes, which grew in clusters on all the limbs, and upon the biggest and ripest boxes the word “Lunch” could be read in neat raised letters. This tree seemed to bear all the year around, for there were lunch-box blossoms on some of the branches, and on others tiny little lunch-boxes that were as yet quite green, and evidently not fit to eat until they had grown bigger. The leaves of this tree were all paper napkins, and it presented a very pleasing appearance to the hungry little girl.”
“But the tree next to the lunch-box tree was even more wonderful, for it bore quantities of tin dinner-pails, which were so full and heavy that the stout branches bent underneath their weight. Some were small and dark-brown in color; those larger were of a dull tin color; but the really ripe ones were pails of bright tin that shone and glistened beautifully in the rays of sunshine that touched them.”
-Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum (1907)
In a grassy grove among the pines, in which the snow doesn’t fall, grows the lunchbox tree and the dinner-pail tree. The former guarded by d6 minions of the Heat Miser and the latter by d6 servants of the Snow Miser.
Every time you open a pail from the lunchbox tree, there’s a 1-in-6 chance of a rotten lunch. Otherwise, the contents count as a single Ration. Some of the things you might find in a box include:
A ham sandwich
A piece of spongecake
A pickle
A slice of cheese
An apple
A rotten apple
Every time you open a pail from the dinner-pail tree, there’s a 1-in-10 chance of a disastrous dinner. Otherwise, the contents, when eaten, remove 1 Fatigue. Some of the things you might find in a pail include:
A small tank full of lemonade.
Slices of turkey.
Slices of cold tongue.
Lobster salad.
Bread and butter.
A small custard pie.
An orange.
Some strawberries.
Cracked nuts and raisins
A swarm of goblin ants
Snow Miser Servants
4 HP, 1 Armor, 8 STR, 11 DEX, 14 WIL, freezing slap (d4)
These sprite-like versions of the Snow Miser are squeaky-voiced bullies with ice-cold demeanors. They have their orders and they do not intend to disappoint.
Targets are partially frozen; attacks are impaired and DEX saves automatically fail.
Immune to cold and freezing damage. Fire damage is enhanced against it.
Heat Miser Minions
4 HP, 1 Armor, 8 STR, 11 DEX, 14 WIL, flare (d10, blast)
Miniature Heat Misers growl and spit in short-tempered scrums. Their flaming heads flare with passionate anger. They know those stuck-up, snow suck-ups are plotting a coup.
Immune to fire and heat damage. Ice damage is enhanced against it.
Swarm of Goblin Ants
5 HP, 6 STR, 12 DEX, 1 WIL, venomous bite (d6)
Big for ants, small for goblins. Lumpy, green, and bulbous.
Critical Damage: Venom renders the target deprived. Save STR once per day to recover.
Only harmed by fire, extreme cold, sleep effects, or smoke, which drives them away.
The Advent Henge
A circle of 12 standing stones marks the edge of a fighting ring. You don’t have to fight Calen Darr to the death. You don’t even have to win. But you do have to fight until very near death. And then you get a present.
Calen Darr, the Advent Barbarian
10 HP, 1 Armor, 16 STR, 8 DEX, 14 WIL, polar bear claw gloves (d10)
Wears a decorative, pine-bough garland loincloth.
Tattoos of numbers on his body act as portals to extra-dimensional spaces that hold presents for those who engage him in battle.
Grapple: Can forego attack to grapple a target (DEX Save to avoid). Take d4 STR damage each round, STR Save to escape.
On the bloodiest day of Christmas, Calen Darr gave to me:
Reindeer antlered helmet still bloody from battle (+1 Armor), once belonging to a now headless knight of the Vorpal Vale
Hallucinogenic gumdrops
Gingerbread shiv (d4, 3 uses)
Pocket spices (blinds target for 1 round, 3 uses)
A two-person saw
Holly barbed wire
Nutcracker soldier, a wooden toy capable of building tiny but elaborate weapons of war in moments (trebuchets, ballistas, etc.)
Fist of Bells (d4), bell-adorned knuckledusters that jingle on impact, 2-in-6 chance of an extra d8 (sonic blast)
Enchanted candy cane staff (3 uses)
Lick staff for an hour to attune. STR save or suffer a sugar crash (add a Fatigue).
Candy Cane Thicket: A thicket of candy canes and other hard candy up to 50ft wide suddenly sprouts up.
Santa’s Pants (3 charges)
Increases the wearer’s size and causes a white beard and hair to grow.
Expend one charge to automatically succeed on a STR save.
Recharge: Deliver gifts to an entire village in a single night
The Cruel Log (1 use)
Seemingly ordinary log, which can be chucked to great effect (STR save or be caught in the explosion)
Upon landing, a glittery explosion surrounds a 30ft circle in colorful choking dust (d4 ongoing)
The Jingle of Steel (d10+d10 bulky), a bastard sword with a holly crossguard and a sugar plum pommel.
Snow Sculpture Garden
In a perfectly square clearing, fifty-some odd snow sculptures are arranged among snow-covered hedgerows and flower beds. They are vulgar displays of exquisite craftsmanship intended to offend. A sexually obscene tableau of phallic and yonic representations, crass gestures, and shocking positions of snow people. Tarts with vicars, mischievous cows pooping on the heads of cherubic pabies peeing, and the irreverent use of snow saints, snow knights, snow unicorns, snow mermaids, and snow village idiots.
A dozen of the snow sculptures have been brought to life. They don’t know by whom or for what purpose. Roll on the Reactions table to see how each one feels about their existence.
Living Snow Sculptures
7 HP, 9 STR, 13 DEX, 16 WIL, snowballs (d4 blast)
Filled with heavy stones to prevent vandalism.
Afraid to leave the garden, for none have returned.
Old Silk Hat
Found in the garden shed.
Brings to life inanimate, vaguely humanoid objects when worn. The newly born creature is loyal to its creators but obsessed with Christmas. Because it does not require food or rest, nor understand ordinary human responsibilities, it will endlessly strive to bring the spirit of Christmas to everyone around it. Removing the hat returns it to an inanimate state.
The Big Tree
The largest of the trees stands at the center of the forest, double the size of the nearest trees. It is decorated with ribbon and candles, and the star on top can be seen from anywhere in the hex.
The tree is all that remains of an evil snow wizard that crossed Santa Claus and his friends. His power lies dormant, imprisoned, waiting for someone to free him. In the meantime, the tree is a beacon of joy and hope for all who congregate around it. Which only serves to further enrage the wizard within.
The Windmill & the Demons Three
Atop a hill, a lone white windmill stands still, no matter the wind. People say it’s haunted or cursed. The mill, if you bothered to listen, would tell you it’s possessed by demons.
The demons are the trickster kind. They want only for novelty and self-gratification. And what is more novel than an enlightened windmill, with thoughts of itself and its purpose?
The windmill wants only to feel the wind again, but she will not come near so long as the demons reside within.
The wind is afraid, after what happened the last time she got too close to demons.
Found within the mill, left behind by the previous owners, are a tinderbox, candles, lamps, and oil.
The Windmill
20 HP, 20 STR, 1 DEX, 16 WIL
Proud of itself but thoughtful of others.
Much enlightened and so well built that it’s a pleasure to look at.
Unharmed by mundane attacks. Fire damage is enhanced against it.
The Demons Three
16 HP, 8 STR, 8 DEX, 18 WIL
Immune to non-magical attacks while in the windmill.
Strange, dangerous, and contradictory. Otherworldly yet strangely human, as if their respective motivations are a warped reflection of ours. They might be:
Curious, Cruel, Greedy
Disgusting, Learned, Vain
Sleepy, Suspicious, Bored
Talkative, Lonely, Forgetful
Opinionated, Feral, Jealous
Mocking, Hungry, Devious
If the players are threatening, the demons will treat them like foolish guests. If the players attempt to harm or remove them, the demons will teleport away and summon Living Snow Sculptures. If the players have something the demons want, they will try to make a deal.
Nearby Hexes
To the north, The Transient Snowfields.
To the northeast, The Silver Steppe.
To the southeast, The Snow Miser’s Houseboat.
To the south, Hearth.
To the southwest, The Grumpus.
To the northwest, Three Calves.
Inspiration
This is an entry for Prismatic Wasteland’s blogwagon, Merry Hexmas. Inspired by the post he shared, The Rankin/Bass Holiday Special Cinematic Universe, as presented by Cory Gross, I sought to bring together a myriad of diverse inspirations and smash them together like claymation figures in a single, jam-packed hex.
A forest of present-stuffed trees, but only for gift-giving, was taken from The Great Walled Country by Raymond Macdonald Alden. There’s a nod to Home Alone’s McCallister family. The lunchbox and dinner-pail trees are ripped from the pages of Baum’s Ozma of Oz. The Miser Brother’s henchmen are from Rankin/Bass’s The Year Without a Santa Claus. The Advent Barbarian draws on my love of Conan the Barbarian. The sexy snow sculptures are straight out of history, specifically, the Miracle of 1511. And the windmill and demons are inspired by images from Animated Putty (1911), considered Britain’s first stop-motion clay animation film, and The Windmill by Hans Christian Andersen.
Written for Cairn by Yochai Gal.
Playtest Dummies is a collaborative and loosely defined collective of game designers, artists, writers, and, of course, playtesters. The contributors to the Advent Barbarian list of gifts include: Charles Lewis, Joshua Bissel, and Savanna Meekins.
